Just for me

My body is off balance. My right leg, due to a knee and more recently, an ankle injury, is weaker than my left leg. My gait is off, and muscles are protesting, but still, I keep plodding, keep going. I am going to find an online trainer to work with, because I need accountability. I need someone to work out with.
I have another ‘muscle’ I am working on. It’s a muscle that’s been there all the time, but I rarely used it. I was busy using other muscles, the ‘how can I help’ or ‘what do you need’ or ‘I can stop what I am doing/leave my job/leave my home and help you’ muscle.
This new muscle is called,’My turn.’
It takes a lot of work to exercise this muscle, to focus on my needs. Right now, in the throes of coronavirus, I am living with relatives temporarily. I started by trying to be as small as I could be. I’m quiet by nature, and I tried my best to not be a burden, to help as much as I could, etc. I am a kitchen person. I like cooking. But the way I think about food and cook is vastly different from the system the lady of the house has. I tried to cook for the household. That didn’t work. Whatever I did was a problem. Additionally, there are allergies/scent sensitivities involved. What I cooked became an issue, and I tried to retreat even more, until there was no me left.
The ‘My turn’ muscle says, find a convenient time to cook, when the family isn’t using the kitchen, get your food and cook it the way you like it. Nourish yourself, even if this family cannot receive your attempts to nourish them. Store it, not taking up too much space (space is an issue) and do it again the next day. This new muscle lets me know my need to create, to cook, to be, even in a temporary space, is just as valid as the need of this family to nourish themselves.
Today, I made salmon croquettes with potatoes and onions. There was canned salmon involved, which, um, smells. I made it anyway. They dealt with it. Someone else in the house even tried some.
It was really good. If I had my own pans and my preferred spices, it would have been fantastic.

…until tomorrow

Stay safe, stay inside and let people know what they mean to you.